Dealing with anger - Parashat Vayera 5785
How do you deal with anger? What do you do when you get extremely mad at someone?
Sometimes, I find it helpful to go for a run, go to the gym, or engage in any other physical activity or movement that allows me to release all the energy in my body. Some people take a deep breath, using various techniques, such as meditation; others smoke a cigarette, and others keep getting mad at people, yelling at them, or mistreating them.
In any case, changing perspective is crucial, allowing us to breathe fresh air and even physically place ourselves in another place. The story of Parashat Vayera can also be read as a story of anger, destruction, and “escapism.”
In the middle of this Parasha, we will read the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, two cities God decided to eliminate because of their bad behavior, without giving them a chance to correct what they did wrong. Abraham intervenes, attempting to change God’s decision, forcing Him to change his perspective. In the end, it didn’t work, but at least we see in Parashat Vayera what is probably the first discussion with God, someone who disagrees with the Creator, challenging him.
Right before that discussion, three visitors come to Abraham and announce that he and his wife will soon be parents. Immediately after they leave, they look down at the city of Sodom as if foreseeing what will also happen to that place.
וַיָּקֻ֤מוּ מִשָּׁם֙ הָֽאֲנָשִׁ֔ים וַיַּשְׁקִ֖פוּ עַל־פְּנֵ֣י סְדֹ֑ם וְאַ֨בְרָהָ֔ם הֹלֵ֥ךְ עִמָּ֖ם לְשַׁלְּחָֽם׃
The agents set out from there and looked down toward Sodom, Abraham walking with them to see them off.
(Genesis / Bereshit 18:16)
In biblical Hebrew, specific words are used for particular situations and contexts. The translation tells us that the visitors “looked down” toward Sodom. How do you say “to look down” in modern Hebrew? לראות, להסתכל, להביט. Lir’ot, Lehistakel, or Lehabit: To see, to look, or to observe. But the word the Torah uses is וישקיפו, Vayashkifu, which means to look from above. In every place, the Torah uses the word Vayashkifu; nothing positive happens after that. For some reason, it always announces terrible omens to the people underneath that sight.
It's like knowing what will happen soon, a prophecy.
Rashi, the great commentator of the Torah and the Talmud, explains the idea behind the use of the word HASHKAFA in biblical Hebrew, as “it denotes taking notice for the purpose of bringing evil” (Rashi, Bereshit, ad. Loc.). But one notorious exception to this teaches us how to escape anger, rage, and fury. Rashi says that every use of this verb in the Torah announces bad news, except for the following verse.
הַשְׁקִ֩יפָה֩ מִמְּע֨וֹן קׇדְשְׁךָ֜ מִן־הַשָּׁמַ֗יִם וּבָרֵ֤ךְ אֶֽת־עַמְּךָ֙ אֶת־יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל וְאֵת֙ הָאֲדָמָ֔ה” אֲשֶׁ֥ר נָתַ֖תָּה לָ֑נוּ כַּאֲשֶׁ֤ר נִשְׁבַּ֙עְתָּ֙ לַאֲבֹתֵ֔ינוּ אֶ֛רֶץ זָבַ֥ת חָלָ֖ב וּדְבָֽשׁ׃
Look down from Your holy abode, from heaven, and bless Your people Israel and the soil You have given us, a land flowing with milk and honey, as You swore to our fathers.”
(Devarim / Deuteronomy 26:15)
It is the same word: Hashkifa, Look down. But in a positive context. The context here is the tithes given by the people of Israel and their gifts to the poor once they enter the promised land as written in Parashat Ki Tavo. In the book of Genesis, in this Parasha, the word להשקיף Lehashkif, to look down, is a negative one; in Devarim (Deuteronomy), it becomes positive. What is this difference, and what can it teach us?
Rashi’s explanation says that the context in Devarim is the support and help given to the poor; it is a passage dealing with the tithe that concludes with the plea to God: “Look down from your holy abode, from heaven, and bless Your people Israel.” For so great is the power, the virtue of giving to the poor, that it changes God’s anger into mercy. גָּדוֹל כֹּחַ מַתְּנוֹת עֲנִיִּים שֶׁהוֹפֵך מִדַּת הָרֹגֶז לְרַחֲמִים:
I imagine this as the people of Israel giving the tithe and waving to God: “Hey, hey! Look down here! We are doing good. We are not fighting. We are actually helping each other. Don’t get mad at us.”
Sometimes, when we get angry or are at the climax of our fury, we try to look down, put ourselves aside, and give ourselves some fresh air and new perspectives. Some of us like to run or go to the gym. When God is angry, when his rage begins to come out, he can’t go to the gym or breathe to calm down. But there is a lot that we, as humans, can do. As the Midrash quoted by Rashi says: For so great is the power, the virtue of giving to the poor, that it changes God’s anger into mercy.
If we can switch God’s anger into blessing, from rage to blessing, through the power of helping and supporting others, how much more can we do for our own fury?
Shabbat Shalom.